A letter to you, Mr. X.
I don’t know why I’m writing this to you, perhaps too much the X-files, I eventually have a little time to reflect on what I've been through recently.I love the x-files, it's not because I believe in all those para-normal phenomena strongly exhibited in the shows, rather I find the driving force in them for me to re-start my life-long exploration in the knowns and the unknowns that I could hardly find elsewhere, to be intoxicated from too many everyday-life spectacles that has somehow covered up my eyes and pulled me back from going on my journey, just the same as those senior agents who attempted to stop Mulder from revealing the truth (not quite the true self, as what Linda once told me, there could have never been "true self". Things evolve, perhaps our existence relies on change), and here scientific progress bargains with social stability and more, whereas my righteous consciousness struggles with living trickeries that secure my sheer survival... I cannot conclude which comes more important to me, maybe they should always been in chain.
I've tried to figure out what exactly I want for my FYP by putting my very messy batch of notes and hand drafts in order the whole day today. I thought of the connection between physiology and psychology, the social theories of Foucault and Deleuze's radical ideas of schizophrenia and how they are linked with the new-age vagaries that serve to induce harmonic convergence. I've read your words many times lately, partly because of my translation/transcription "job" (believe me I hate it the same as you do and I intended only to work for a better SCM if I can). Honestly speaking I'm already very familiar with most of the contents even without reading them. But, reading those lines showing how much you are aware of your tendency in believing that others are criticizing you worries me. Yes I worry about you.
You are a very clever one. You have the very gift to tell right and wrong. And your hardwork is obvious. As one of those who loves you alot and has once been mistakenly seen as having criticized you I could feel my heart bleed everytime I think about it. You have no idea how powerful you words can be. Why would a very smart guy consciously knowing himself being captured by such evil tendency not able to stop it and tackle it right away? I would never want to see you lose control of yourself. This is something that I can never let go. There are more than enough people on earth that I love turning crazy. Hold back your anger, have a cup of mint tea when there are too many unexpected issues troubling you for there will always be more and more to come as long as you care. Sometimes my emotion can bring me to the clouds, and, it would just leave me there.
Many invalid beliefs of mine have been erased during the last 3 years. Still I think we are qualified as human beings because we think and we love. And perhaps this is why I love the first 10 minutes of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" so much. When the time is come, we should just let go.
posted by kirque @ 1:33 PM
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